Monterey Bay Forum

Laura Bramon Good lives in Washington, D.C. and writes on human trafficking issues. Below Laura Good writes a post titled God’s Love which concerns her marriage breakup.

In keeping with what she says each brought to their marriage, did she first eviscerate him and therefor he had to abandoned her? Were what she writes the reality of my marriage I might write about it but not under my real name. For sure, Laura Bramon Good’s ex-husband needs privacy to heal.

Laura’s post reminds one of I Cor. 13 on faith, hope and charity. “And the greatest of these is charity…” Perhaps privacy at times is part of charity. Laura Bramon Good creates strong, visual images.

Does God [only] love garbage?

To read go to: http://imagejournal.org/page/blog/gods-love

Pay close attention when young children say that they want to die. Through probably a plea for help, all threats by children need to be taken seriously. And, probably best to seek appropriate professional help.

What ‘s best for this confused, angry, probably depressed 5year old child who moves every 3-4 days back and froth between his parents? How might a grandparent who provides some weekly care assist?

The issue of stability needs to be addressed:

Would this child do better with less movement back and forth between homes for a while? At least for a period of time (3-4 months) would it be better to stabilize in one home rather than move back and forth? Parents and others such as grandparents who are actively involved in the daily care need to sit down and talk.

Communication abilities between the parents and grandmother:

Maybe the parents & grandparent need to talk with professionals present if they cannot easily do it themselves. After all, the things that cause people to separate and divorce often are the same things that make it hard for them to communicate to each other about their child.

The focus of the discussion should be child-centered.

Keep the discussion focused on this particular, unique child. What does this particular child need most? Is the child more attached to one parent than the other? Can one parent currently better meet the emotional needs of the child?

Talking with the child:

For sure, parents and grandparent talking to the child in language they understand must happen time and time again. It is standard that children blame themselves for parents divorce. Children need to explore their feelings in a safe enviornment.

There are various books that might assist.  Recommended by the Berkeley Parenting Network are:

Dinosaur’s Divorce by Marc Brown and Laurene Brown and

It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear by Vicky Lansky (for ages 3 to 5)

Group therapy might assist the parents.

From Berkeley Parents Network, last updated 9-6-2009 from http://parents.berkeley.edu

Some other books out there include:

Children Ages 3-5

When Mom and Dad Divorce , by Emily Menendez-Aponte

My Family’s Changing , by Pat Thomas

Mom and Dad Break Up , by Joan Singleton Prestine

Two Homes , by Claire Masurel

Dinosaur’s Divorce , by Laurene Krasny Brown and Marc Brown

Children Ages 5-7

Let’s Talk About It: Divorce , by Fred Rogers

I Don’t Want To Talk About It , by Jeanie Franz Ranson

When Mom and Dad Separate , by Marge Heegaard

Sometimes a Family has to Split Up , by Jane Werner Watson, Robert E. Switzer, and J. Cotter Hirschberg

Check out the following websites: www.kidsinthemiddle.org www.kidsturn.org Laurie

April 30, 2009
Divorce, Single Parenting and Autism: Some Data

“Do couples with autistic kids get divorced more frequently than other couples? Shockingly high divorce rates are quoted frequently, for example, Jenny McCarthy on Oprah, where she said it’s 90%, or Dr Colleen Allen, of the Henry Ford Center for Autism and Developmental Disabilities, who is quoted online as saying it’s 86%. Even John McCain, in his 2008 statement on autism for the ASA’s rally stated that “divorce rates of parents of children with autism are well above the national averages.” (Autism Advocate, 3rd Edition, 2008, Vol 52, p. 58.) Unfortunately, the data behind these numbers never seems to be included, so it’s hard to know if they are valid.

“What is well documented and readily available is Easter Seals’ Living with Autism study. Easter Seals, with Mass Mutual Financial Group, and the Autism Society of America, conducted an interactive Harris poll. They interviewed US residents with children 30 or younger, where the child has either an Autism Spectrum Disorder or no special needs diagnosis at all. A total of 1652 parents of children with autism were polled, and there was a control group of 917 parents who didn’t have children with special needs. Many issues were studied, including detailed listing of parents concerns, such as their adult children’s quality of life and ability to live independently. It’s an online poll, so of course there are questions about biases, such as which families chose to participate in the study. The study focuses heavily on looking at financial planning questions, not surprising regarding the sponsorship. Many of the findings aren’t exactly shocking, such as the fact that parents of the special needs children were highly concerned with their child’s independence and quality of life, and that they struggled financially and had concerns about their children’s education.
“But, there was one section of the report that looked at divorce statistics. The report states, “Families living with autism are significantly less likely to be divorced than families with children without special needs. Among those parents with children who have Autism Spectrum Disorder and who have been divorced, only one third say their divorce had anything to do with managing the special needs of their children.” (p. 39) And the rate? 30% for families with autistic children, 39% for the control group without special needs.

“There’s also some information on these divorced families with children on the autism spectrum. The study found that in about half of the divorced families, one parent had sole custody of the child, and 71% of the time the child lived with the parent full time. Certainly, this can be a stress on the single parent, especially when coupled with the fact that over half of families with ASD reported having little or no support from their extended family.Interested? You can download a copy of your own at the Easter Seals website.