Aptos psychologist: A confused, angry, depressed 5 year old moves every 3-4 days between parents & says he wants to die. How might a grandparent assist?

Pay close attention when young children say that they want to die. Through probably a plea for help, all threats by children need to be taken seriously. And, probably best to seek appropriate professional help.

What ‘s best for this confused, angry, probably depressed 5year old child who moves every 3-4 days back and froth between his parents? How might a grandparent who provides some weekly care assist?

The issue of stability needs to be addressed:

Would this child do better with less movement back and forth between homes for a while? At least for a period of time (3-4 months) would it be better to stabilize in one home rather than move back and forth? Parents and others such as grandparents who are actively involved in the daily care need to sit down and talk.

Communication abilities between the parents and grandmother:

Maybe the parents & grandparent need to talk with professionals present if they cannot easily do it themselves. After all, the things that cause people to separate and divorce often are the same things that make it hard for them to communicate to each other about their child.

The focus of the discussion should be child-centered.

Keep the discussion focused on this particular, unique child. What does this particular child need most? Is the child more attached to one parent than the other? Can one parent currently better meet the emotional needs of the child?

Talking with the child:

For sure, parents and grandparent talking to the child in language they understand must happen time and time again. It is standard that children blame themselves for parents divorce. Children need to explore their feelings in a safe enviornment.

There are various books that might assist.  Recommended by the Berkeley Parenting Network are:

Dinosaur’s Divorce by Marc Brown and Laurene Brown and

It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear by Vicky Lansky (for ages 3 to 5)

Group therapy might assist the parents.

From Berkeley Parents Network, last updated 9-6-2009 from http://parents.berkeley.edu

Some other books out there include:

Children Ages 3-5

When Mom and Dad Divorce , by Emily Menendez-Aponte

My Family’s Changing , by Pat Thomas

Mom and Dad Break Up , by Joan Singleton Prestine

Two Homes , by Claire Masurel

Dinosaur’s Divorce , by Laurene Krasny Brown and Marc Brown

Children Ages 5-7

Let’s Talk About It: Divorce , by Fred Rogers

I Don’t Want To Talk About It , by Jeanie Franz Ranson

When Mom and Dad Separate , by Marge Heegaard

Sometimes a Family has to Split Up , by Jane Werner Watson, Robert E. Switzer, and J. Cotter Hirschberg

Check out the following websites: www.kidsinthemiddle.org www.kidsturn.org Laurie